And, so only you existed…

Your smiles. Your love of life. Your charm. Some winks. A desire for knowing you. Better. More. I thought so much of it. Perhaps too? Idealizing. Dreaming. Manufacturing a reality. Imagined. Drawn. Mine. Holds it ? The fault with your smiles. Your love of life. I scribbled some share in my memory. Like a hope.Your number. Your street. I never came there. However, I have the feeling to know it. To find you there. Te speech. To look at you. To see You moving. I arrived. Precipitate. Blown. Not to miss you. To live this privileged moment. I fantasized it, colored. Carried by your smiles. Your love of life. Your charm.  Which, I succumbed. Without you to show it. Not all to distort. Now, I hesitate. Our meeting. Your house. Its height. Its forms. All my fears call. In me things Awake so much. An unsoundable wall against which I so often knocked myself. Broken. Still, I do not dare. To approach me. The shroud hiding this emaciated body. The slow step. Men the bearing one. Go after walk in the large staircase. Me, the fussy one. Impotent. Overpowered. Prostrate. This vision haunts me. Why now ? Such a long time ago. This dream which I believed immured. With deepest of my secrecies. You awoke it. Your smiles. Your love of life. Your charm. That I imagined. To release me. Of these bonds which blocked me. Do not have enough force yet to protect me. And, so only you existed…