Did you really exist?

I remember this castle where we were going to walk. We walked along the ditches looking at water reflecting the high walls, the rare white windows. Sometimes, some ducks passed, a couple of swans accompanying them. We looked at them advancing their webbed legs leaving behind them the waves of their walk. You liked these particular moments where the small ones followed them naively. It was spring, the beautiful days. Perhaps did you think that one day we would come, in the alleys of this castle, of the children playing behind us? I do not know it. The idea often skimmed me. You were so secret. I hid behind your silences. It was my way of accompanying you. We came, of the years during, without becoming aware that our walks did not have a goal. This vacuum so far carried the value of a refuge where I saw you more. It rained. I took delay on the road, a deceleration, hesitant drivers, I arrived five minutes later that of habit. You were not there under the porch of the entry. The rain had not been able to stop you. How much time planes us faced wind, downpours, storms? While coming, I had the presentiment of your absence. It is easy to say it now. The empty porch, your frail silhouette which is not posed in front of the hedge of bay-trees, these signs did not mislead me. I do not know your address. Where to seek you, where to find you? Would you like quite simply? It remain me that this question don’t you are part wearied to expect me or you refused to come? I do not want to know your answer. To know that we did not have any future together. I always knew it. Since, I make the turn of the castle, only. The ducks, the swans aged, their children took over animating the ditches of the castle. I walk without goal looking at them advancing on water. I often think of you the phantom of my walks. Did you really exist?