Leave in peace

I seek you since so a long time. Since my departure, for this day has sunk where I gave up you. Te leaving only with your doubts, your dreams, captive of your incomprehension vis-a-vis this world which terrified you so much. Party to run beyond these limits within which you imprisoned yourself a little more each day, I fled. More to help you, to escape to me from your madness which paralyzed my directions, blocked my breathing, choked the words on my lips. I left for elsewhere where the life is not as complicated as with you. It had become infernal. I did not support it any more. I moved away without me to turn over; finding the force in each new step not to look at behind. I do not know if you saw me moving away. I walked then run. To lose breath. I stopped far, so far I did not know any more where I was. It was dawning or night in this large forest where I crumbled. I do not remember any more. I remember the stars which in the sky rose. They shone of this glare which I had forgotten. With you, there were so many blacknesses in our life. I showed pretense them. By weakness, to hope that one day you would blow on the clouds of our cemetery. You never did it. On the contrary, you poked embers consuming the wire which connected to me with my last illusions. In the middle of the wolves, phantoms of our life passed, I lay between the trees of the forest. Their emaciated skeletons did not worry me. I was not afraid. They were less terrifying that the scarecrows of your insanity. Your madness reduced the walls of my freedom. It wore the nap off my projects, my days, my seconds so much so that the clock of time had stopped. I am not free now. Happy? Not really. Extremely of a feeling. That to have carried out something that I was to try. That to give up you. For me. For you. I did not know any more where we went. Yes, something had to be tried. A race despaired beyond the walls of your insanity. I know that it was needed. It was as all was to be completed. I it believed when we were together. Is this the good expression besides? We were close to a physical presence. And still… If distant mentally. The ditch had grown hollow as of the first day. We did not see it or pretends to forget it. Your thought obsessed me. I made feel guilty with the idea to give up you. I mixed things so much, arousing the pity of me on me, you. Thinking of your weakness. Your distress. I lived. I did not breathe any more. I did not eat any more. There was in me this single question of you, your suffering, your loneliness. I fell into pity. One does not like with pity. I understood it after these long years of wandering in the forests of my interrogations. I tried to sacrifice you on the furnace bridge of the lapse of memory. I scarified my memory to leave there only the drawing of my new life. I immolated the book of our destroyed past. Nothing made there. The more I fought to reject you, the more I approached you. Your madness entered in me. I did not manage to reject it. I called it.  I sought you. I reconsidered my steps. To make me forgive, help you. Very mixed in my head. The confusion of my thoughts, the mixture of my obsessions, culpability of your abandonment. I shouted in front of our closed door. You did not answer. You were not there any more. I left to your search in the darkest recesses your thought. In these places where your demons abound. Where your fears corrode you. Those which ate, with one, your last pieces of light. I cherished the scales of your distress. Those which extinguished the colors by you leaving only the white and the black. I felt the freezing cold to go up along your bones. I saw this paralysis being spread in your flesh until this rigidity which suits you so well. Now, you do not move any more. You will not move any more. Your body did not bring any more any joy to you. Your spirit had given up it party on seas of which one does not return. You enter the table little by little. Your face settles in the decoration. A place so that you are reserved to you sharp. It is the first time that is offered to you. It still remains of concern on your face. The wax could not make up your last fears. You adorned your more beautiful dress. You seem almost happy. You will be it never. It is in your nature. I look at you. There remains to me that. I feel neither guilty, nor abandoned. We were made to leave us. It is what joined us. I finally understood it. You do not need more me. In your world, there is no place for me. In mine, we were too with the narrow one. Sleep my beautiful. Leave in peace.